The Powder Room

Summary: Josh, Donna, and Why Em Never Writes Smut.
Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Josh and Donna belong to Aaron Sorkin, no matter what NBC says. Jo and Ryo belong to themselves. Yes, I realize I’m insane.

I really thought that nothing could be quite as relaxing as yoga, but I was wrong.

So very, very wrong.

Because right now, I don’t think I’ve ever been so relaxed. It may have something to do with the way that Josh is kissing his way down my leg, feathering his lips over my knee, and then my calf, and then –

“ACK!”

I scramble upright, watching as Josh cups his hands gingerly over his nose. When he speaks, his voice is muffled and nasal.

“Donna, what the hell? You kicked me! I think you broke my nose!”

I lean over and pry his hands away. He may be bleeding a little. Oops.

“Come on,” I grab his hand and tug him toward the bathroom. “Lets go clean that up.”

Once we get in the bathroom, I turn on the sink, letting the water warm before I close the drain. Josh just stares at me when I toss him a washcloth and tell him to clean off his bloody nose.

“I’ll be happy to do that, Donna, but I need to know one thing.”

“What?”I start the bath water and close that drain as well, before I go rummaging through his medicine cabinet. “Do you have any hydrogen peroxide?”

“Do I. . .what? Donna, what the hell is going on?” He shuts off the water and wets the washcloth, carefully wiping away the blood, all the while looking at me like I’ve gone insane.

Triumphantly, I grab a brown bottle of peroxide from the cabinet and dump it in the bathtub. I ease my foot into the scalding water and begin to scrub at it furiously. “It’s simple, Josh. You sucked on my toe.”

“Yes, and then you kicked me in the face.”

“That will teach you, now won’t it?”

“Teach me what? Donna, do you not like to have your toes sucked?”

I shudder and adjust the faucet so that the water will be even warmer. “Stop saying that. And no, I don’t. It’s gross. They’re feet parts, and feet are gross, so– hey, is this bubblebath?” I hold up a bottle that was sitting on the edge of his tub. “It is! Josh, let’s take a bubblebath!”

He watches me drain the tub and then pour the bubblebath under the faucet. He looks more than a little bewildered. “Donna, you kicked me in the face and now you expect me to be in the mood for some sexy kind of bubblebath?”

“You aren’t?”

“Again, you *kicked* me in the *face.”

“So?”

“So, imagine that it might take me a few minutes for me to get back in the mood.”

I give him what I imagine is a very patient look. “Exactly. Hence the bubbles.”

“Hunh?”

I pull him toward the tub, and we climb in and nestle down in the bubbles.

“Bubbles are always sexy. Didn’t you know?”

He snorts skeptically.

Granted, our knees and feet are sticking out of the tub at awkward angles, but there are bubbles, so that’s really not important.

His hands start to skim over my abdomen, so I’m thinking he’s starting to agree with me. Only he’s not touching me where I want. I’ll have to fix that.

“Josh?” I ask breathlessly. “Josh, touch my. . . .touch me. . . .down *there.*”

He stops.

“Donna, surely you can say that word. Come on, I’ll say it with you: Cli–”

I turn around and clap my hand over his mouth.

“OW! Donna! My nose!”

“Well, that’s what happens when you…you can’t say that word! I’ll be embarrassed!”

“Donna, you’re NAKED. You’re in the bathtub with me and you’re naked. Surely you can’t be embarrassed enough that you can’t say cl–”

This time I interrupt him with kissing. That will shut him up.

And indeed, it does. We’re repositioning ourselves so that things are really starting to get interesting when our moans are interrupted by a godawful squeaking noise.

We pull away and look at each other.

“What the hell was that?” asks Josh.

“I don’t know. I’m sure it’s nothing. Ignore it.”

We go back to the kissing and the moaning and the panting, and just as Josh starts to move, we hear the noise again.

“How the hell am I supposed to ignore that, Donna? It’s not nothing–it’s the tub!”

“It is not. Ignore it.”

“It is! We’re wet and rubbing against porcelain. Of course it’s gonna make noise.”

I pout, because he’s ruining my bubblebath. “It is not. There’s no noise. There’s never a noise in the movies! Or in books! Or in fanfic!”

“Yes, but that’s the GOOD fanfic. And this is exactly why smut-writing should be left to Jo and Ryo. Cause look at us! We’re a mess!”

“Well, yes, but,” I pause, trying to find the bright side, “hey, at least we have bubbles!”

End.