Fandom: Firefly [Jayne-centric]
Rating: PG for cursing
Disclaimer: Not mine. They belong to Joss.
Summary: Written for Cassie for the 2005 Bubbleficathon. Jayne-centric, spoilers for the BDM.
Author’s Notes: Special thanks to Macha, who has more patience than Shepherd Book. My prompt’s after the fic.
Distribution: I’ll say yes, but please ask me so I know where it’s going.
Jayne knew that there were certain things that men just didn’t do. Biggest of these was taking a bubblebath, because if anyone caught him, they’d think him sly for sure.
But Jayne weren’t getting any younger. He might still be a fine specimen of a man, but sometimes all the fightin’ and shootin’ and killin’ got to making his body ache a bit. And not in a good way.
Damn achin’ muscles were why he’d lugged teakettles full of hot water to pour into the tub he’d hidden in one of the larger storage spaces that Mal usually used for smuggling. And keepin’ this whole thing quiet was the reason he’d dragged her right into the middle of things and sat her on a stool next to the tub. She’d keep guard.
‘Course, it was distracting him from his bath–her sittin’ there so close to him. He’d heard Inara say that bubblebaths were for relaxin’ and not thinking about a gorram thing, but here Jayne was, thinking about *her,* looking over every one of her curves and angles. His fingers itched to touch her. Kept him thinking of all the things he’d like to do to her, and that was enough to distract him, which is why he didn’t hear the footsteps until it was too late and the door was creaking open.
Jayne grabbed her and held her close.
Mal’s head peered ’round the door. “Jayne? What in the rutting hell are you–?” His jaw dropped. “Taking a *bubblebath*? And why is that gun pointed at me?”
Jayne carefully laid Vera back down on the stool, taking a moment to wipe the bubbles off of her barrel. Wouldn’t do to let her get rusty. He’d have to clean her up real nice after her was finished.
“Just takin’ a bath, Mal.” Jayne leaned back, trying his hardest to look relaxed and casual–and not at all like a girl.
“You just–” Mal sputtered, “Ya thought you’d take a nice bubblebath? Wuh de tyen, ah, Jayne, why not light some of Inara’s incense and maybe some girlie candles in here, too?”
Jayne’s meanest glare didn’t seem to have the slightest effect on Mal, but maybe that was ’cause he couldn’t stop staring at the bubbles. Jayne didn’t know why–weren’t like the bubbles were *pink.*
“I done *told* ya. I’m just takin’ a bath,” Jayne growled. “Don’t see how it’s any of your business, anyway.”
The look on Mal’s face changed and Jayne knew he was gearing up for one of his “if it happens on my boat, it’s my business speech,” when the sound of approaching footsteps echoed off Serenity’s walls.
“Tamade hundan,” muttered Jayne.
“Captain?” Zoe asked from outside the door. “Somethin’ going on I should know about?”
“NO!” yelled Jayne.
Woman never listened. Two seconds later she was peering around the door. “Jayne?” she asked, mouth twitching, “Is that–did you–are those *bubbles*?”
Miserable, Jayne nodded.
He and Mal watched Zoe, waiting for her to make some smart-mouthed comment or another. Probably something like how she didn’t know he bathed. But instead, she started snickering. He and Mal looked on in shock–wasn’t much that made Zoe laugh these days. But here she was laughing out loud. Laughing so hard she couldn’t catch her breath, and that set Mal off. Soon the two of them were laughing so much they’d got tears running down their faces.
Any other time, Jayne might have joined them, but seeing as how they were laughing at *him*–well, it just weren’t that funny to him, no matter how good it was not to see Zoe with that grim look on her face. For about half a second he thought maybe it was worth it to get caught in a tub full of bubbles, long as it got Zoe laughing again, but it still weren’t as funny as they were making it out to be with all their cackling.
And then things got even less funny when he heard *more* footsteps. Didn’t nobody sleep on this gorram boat?
Jayne sure hoped the look he gave Mal made it clear that if anyone else joined this little party, he’d shoot someone. And if the scowl on his face didn’t do it, he picked up Vera to help make his point. Then, because there was some residual snickering, he aimed in Mal and Zoe’s direction, and that shut them up right quick.
Mal nodded at him, tugged Zoe out into the hallway, and pulled the door shut.
“Hey there, River,” Jayne heard Mal say. “What are you doing down here?”
“Wanted to see what was funny.”
“Nothin’s funny here, little one. We were just…doing a routine inspection of storage spaces. Yup, do it every couple weeks, just to make sure nothing we got in there goes boom. ” Gorram girl started to interrupt, but Mal just talked right over her. “Remember that talk we had about not talking about what you see when you’re poking around in people’s brains? Now, what say we head on up to the kitchen?”
“Okay,” River agreed, but Jayne could hear the reluctance in her voice, and that made him nervous. “Tell Jayne he forgot his rubber duck.”
-END-
Prompt: For Cassie, who requested Jayne/Vera.
Wuh de tyen, ah = Dear God in heaven
Tamade hundan = Mother humping son of a bitch